Hajime no Namida First tear
by TaichouTachi
Summary: This story is about a girl who never felt like she existed for something... but not for long... Will she ever find out that everyone has their own purpose? That she is indeed 'someone? That life is beautiful?


Hnnn… this is my first time in writing fanfics… and errr.. please bear with it…

Actually, I just wanna hear some reviews about the first chapter of my fanfic… I'm not sure whether I'll continue it or not… and if ever I continue it… I'm not sure what to do next..

Can you give me some ideas please?

Thanks!

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**Hajime no Namida: Unmasked**

_I exist like I'm something who doesn't, walking around the streets kept unnoticed by the passers-by, wondering, if I will be incarcerated with oblivion for the rest of my life. Here I am living with doubt, resentment, and desolation. Can I persist screaming when solitude brusquely encroach my life but assuring that I'm not heard? I wonder how long I can hold my tear if I would continue to resist the pain I endure by simply smiling? Will I be wedged living in this abject world dominated by these self-minded creatures without feeling that I myself am important? _

_I think so. Hoping is utterly unnecessary in my case. It's scarcely even feasible for me to someone on a person's life. I'm used to it anyways. No one would even be bothered if I would disappear all of the sudden. Everyone is just too busy with their own lives that they won't bother looking at someone unless they'll figure out that they can be very useful. And once they are done with them, they'll just wish them out of their lives._

_Humans are undeniably abhorrent. They can only think of their own good and hardly of others. They wouldn't mind using them as stepping stone or something else for the sake of reaching the summit of their goals. Humans are already devoured by their hysterical hunger for power. Besieged by greed, humans fight for themselves and only for themselves. Without any hesitations, they wouldn't mind their hands being drenched by the blood of their own kind. All that matters to them is their own existence._

_What exactly is on the top anyways? Why is everyone yearning to be in such place? If you ask me, I can be contented by just being able to push all of those obstacles that abruptly hinder my pace of living in a fairly world. Yes, the world just as it is. Why can't they consider life as an even game? May it be a win or lose, let us not care, shall we? It is just living, isn't it?_

Flipping the last pages of the her diary, Kiyoi Kana played with her pen after writing her last words of odium in her gray, unfussy yet priceless memoir. It has been three months since she bought the diary in a weary bookstore just 3 blocks away down the alley. It wasn't her first diary though. Kiyoi Kana has her habit of writing a lot of things. Writing is where her world revolved. No, not writing like literature or something, but writing every single bit of her unstated thoughts. She has plenty of them, not to mention, and doing such thing has been what she deliberately does since she learned how make her own perspectives in life. The only problem would be, to convey those things, vocally.

"Damn, I need a new one." She breathed, piling up the gray diary to other set of diaries on the left side of her bookshelf. Her scarlet orbs traveled down to the other side of her window catching a glimpse of three fat, ten year-old boys on the streets bullying a scrawny little kid, maybe two or three years younger. Upon the sight, she let out a ghastly sigh knowing that she won't be able to do anything. She closed her eyes, trying to brush away the fragments of the earlier scene she just saw in her heaving mind.

Unfortunately, for our Miss Kana, it just happened that she was not gifted with confidence to burst out her sentiments to others. She thought that nothing will change even when learns to voice it all out. How can a feeble girl like her who was 'no one' in this world be an agent of change? One word was enough for her… impossible.

"Deary, your friend is already here, how long would you want her to wait?" a voice echoed from the lounge up to the stairs. It was from her mother, Mrs. Kiyoi. Upon being called she snapped out to reality.

"Coming…" Kana replied, pulling her green blazer* off her dresser and wrapped it around her temperate body. Then she took a red lace from her drawer and tied it under her lime collar with white linings glimmering as it was enveloped by the shades of green. She softly dusted her emerald green skirts hanging just above her knees as the every fold of it danced with her every move. After placing two black hairpins on brownish-black locks, she hurried down the stairs and decided not to make her friend wait any longer. As she reached the lounge, a scornful smile from her friend welcomed her.

"Let me see," she started, trying to sound as irritated she can be, "you hate guys so much that you ignored team's proposal?" the girl gritted her teeth out of deep aggravation. She can't possibly believe the fact that one has the guts to ignore the tennis team, the Seishun Gakuen's tennis team! It was like, everyone was craving to be the manager of the said team, but she deliberately and most likely, repudiated the team! "You're hopeless."

This girl happened to be Kana's friend namely, Hikari Raika. She has been Kana's friend since the both of them can remember. When they were five, the two of them lived at Osaka Prefecture, just two blocks away from each other's house. Unlike her, Raika was blessed with cobalt blue eyes that harmonize with her wavy golden hair, and by the very fact that Raika never hated the world as much as Kana loathed it.

"Hate guys? What are you talking about?" Kana reacted nonchalantly, "True, but that is not the very reason that I did so reject the team." She tried not to provoke her friend's temper, and presumably, she fairly succeeded.

"Then, what is it, Miss?" Raika smeared.

"Well, let's just say that it is really a tiring job…" Just then, Kana halted as she decided to end her statement, and she gave a forceful smile. It was her first one in this morning. "Yes, a tiring job and I can get very lazy, sometimes." It wasn't really a very pleasant topic for her and as much as possible, she'll try her best to evade the topic. She has her own and personal reasons on why she rejected the team's offer, and for her, it was best to keep the reason untold.

"Do you think that I actually believe you?" Raika raised her eyebrow, "You and your lame reasons, Kana. But anyway, I'll let you pass this time if that'll make you happy, but there will be no more next times." But then the sneer turned into a more sympathetic tune, a more concerned one. "Kana, you know that I love you as a sister and if ever that you feel distracted, you can always count on me. Don't hesitate."

"I know." She softly answered and it was barely louder than a whisper, "But believe it or not, I'm fine. All fine." Another smile was then again drawn into the impassive lips of the baffled girl. It was a clear lie. She was not fine and more so, the both of them, were not fine. But what's the last thing to do when all odds are turned against you? Tell a lie. Say that everything is going to be fine.

A mere but a poignant nod was all Raika's response. A sad one, yes, but there's hope; hope that one day, her friend would have the valor to speak the pending truths that remain untold. She can do nothing but to believe, and the only thing that she was ought to do, was to believe.

There was silence, until one of them decided to break it.

"So, shall we head to school?" Raika suggested.

"Okay, but Hyoutei is no walking distance, I suggest you take a cab right now." Kana stretched her hands and pulled her schoolbag before taking a glance of Raika.

"Nah, maybe after I see you land your stupid foot on Seigaku."

Marching off the house, the two made their way to the seemingly eternal alleyway unknown to what was hidden behind the shadows just ahead them. Life is an endless game, but game-over's are to be anticipated. The winner is unknown until the game finally ends. You'll gain friends yet you can't elude adversaries. It is a matter of choice, and every choice counts. Choose correctly, then hoping is acceptable, but if you fail, evidently, you're not. Survival of the fittest, as some named it. The strong shall remain and the weak shall perish into the unreachable depths of darkness and despair.

Reaching their first destination, Seigaku, Kana watched the figure of her friend vanish from the misty alley just ahead from the very place she was standing. She can feel the harsh blow of wind hit her dainty face; a wind that told naught about what lies ahead of them.

_"It really is a tiring job to do…"_ she finally turned her back and prepared to take a step, _"to smile…"_

_~+~End of Chapter One ~+~_

_Written: January 12, 2009; Modified: January 17, 2009_


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